The good, the bad and the ugly

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Get the lowdown on the good, the bad and the ugly sides of relationships.

Two girls

Good relationships – signs that things are working

  • You like each other for who you are. You want each other to feel good and you support each other’s goals in life.
  • You are independent and have your own interests.
  • You see your own family and friends whenever you want – alone and with your boyfriend or girlfriend.
  • You are good at listening and talking to each other.
  • You have different opinions and sometimes fight but you listen to each other and compromise.
  • You make big decisions together, and you can both make compromises. For example, you take turns deciding what movie to watch!
  • You can tell each other truthfully what you think and what you want without being afraid of being hurt or put down. You trust the other person to be honest with you.
  • Sexual contact is what you both want – no one is pressured into it. You can be honest with each other about what you like/don’t like.
  • If there is jealousy, you listen to each other, talk about it, and try to work things out together (instead of making threats or demands that restrict the other person’s freedom).
  • You both respect the other person’s right to have their own private communication with their friends and family.
  • You agree about whether you are seeing other people or only each other.
  • You accept each other the way you are.

Post: the good, the bad, the ugly

Bad relationships – signs that things aren’t working

  • Trying to change the other person rather than accepting them for who they are.
  • Not trusting each other or lying to each other sometimes.
  • You (or your partner) don’t talk much or open up about your feelings.
  • Fighting a lot. Things don’t seem to get worked out.
  • There is a lot of tension when you are together.
  • Constantly worrying that relationship is going to end or that the other person is interested in someone else.
  • One of you or both of you give up your friends or other interests for the sake of the relationship.
  • You have to see each other all the time.
  • Secretly reading the other person’s Facebook or texts to see what they are up to.
  • Feeling overwhelmed by the other person’s demands or needs.
  • Feeling like you don’t know who you are or what you want anymore.
  • Friends or family say they are worried about you or your relationship.
  • There’s lots of criticisms or jokes that hurt or embarrass the other person.
  • You don’t look forward to spending time together.

Some of these things can mean you need to sit down with your BF/GF and have a serious talk.

Some are early warning signs that things are not okay. Some  might mean you want to call it quits.

The good, the bad and the ugly sides of relationships

Abusive relationships – the signs of control

  • One person’s needs and decisions always come first. The other person feels they must go along with it.
  • One of you wants to know where the other person is all the time.
  • One of you checks up on the other way too much – texting to see where you are and who you’re with.
  • One of you stops the other from seeing family or friends. They say stuff like, “You don’t need to see them” or “we only need each other” or “you’re friends are boring”.
  • One of you is a snoop and disrepects the right to privacy – reading texts, a private diary or journal, phone messages, Facebook stalking, or installing software programs that record what websites are visited.
  • One of you feels pressured, tricked or forced to do sexual things they don’t want to do.
  • One person feels scared to end the relationship because they are worried their BF or GF will hurt them, or will commit suicide.
  • Emotional manipulation like “If you really loved me, you would… (have sex/stop talking to your ex-boyfriend/spend every night with me…”).
  • One person often humiliates the other and makes them feel bad  (eg. ”you’re stupid/embarrassing/fat /clumsy, ”no one else would want you, ”you can’t do anything right).
  • One person scares the other through threats, pushing, hitting, locking them in, smashing things or aggression –the other person feels so afraid of upsetting them that they just go along with the demands of their BF/GF.
  • Jealousy is used as an excuse to demand that the other person has to stop talking to other guys/girls, ex-partners, friends or family.
  • Sending nude or humiliating pictures around of your BF or GF without their consent.

If any of these sound familiar, see If things get ugly for information and advice.

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Photos from Flickr by (top) ,  (middle) kevinkerosene/ CC BY 2.0,  (bottom) mike-burns / CC BY-SA 2.0

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7 Responses to “The good, the bad and the ugly”

  1. so i was in an abusive controlling relationship im 16 and it was the worst point of my life , i lost alot of things that ment stuff to me and i regret it , i wish i would have listened to my mom , but o wells . if u feel like somethings not right with ur relationship then u might wanna end it .just saying .

  2. I dont really know if this is part of the homework. But im replying so you know I read it. And uh yes I do agree and think all of those signs are legit.

    –Danielle G

  3. i have had a abortion with my boi and he left me because i was a abusive bitch but really i was a concerend wife im 15 so ive been threw so much shit okay i think that wat im sayin is really heart touchin so i agree and this is all so legit just sayin.

  4. i think its all sorta real and its all good points

  5. idk what is real and what isnt anymore im 17 and i still feel like i cant get out of this 5 year relationship coz everytime i do she threatens suicide how do i get out of this

  6. I think this whole article was talking about me coz am going through 99.9% of those things

  7. i think the pointers are correct i have been in an abusive relationship ad its not fun and if i had known about this sight before being with him i think i could have avoided the trama he put me through because i would have noticed the signs its so hard going through this and making it out of the situation alive but i made it and im proud of it and reading this really opened my eyes to how blind i was when i was in that relationship. its a rough thing and i hope more girls read this so that they wont have to experience what i went through