QUIZ: is it love or control?

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They say they care, and you know they do, but sometimes it feels too much. Are their actions caring…. or controlling?
Be honest with yourself. Tick the box if the statement applies to you.

A couple

My boyfriend or girlfriend…

Always
Sometimes
Never
seems to like me for who I am
won’t let me talk to other guys / girls
checks up on what I do, where I go, or who I’ve been talking to
tries to stop me from spending time with my friends or family
makes me feel like I have to watch what I do or say
is ok if I say no to something (including sex)
is happy that I make my own decisions about my life
puts me down or humiliates me
has been aggressive or violent
tries to work out arguments by compromising or talking
has pressured, forced or tricked me into doing sexual things that I didn’t want to do
has acted in ways that have scared or hurt me
is happy for me to hang out with friends, without them there
has threatened to hurt me or kill him/herself if I leave
makes me feel scared to disagree or to say no to things

Results

Did you get any warning signs when you did this quiz? If you did, then there are signs that you are not being treated right.

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45 Responses to “QUIZ: is it love or control?”

  1. That was a good quiz, I realize that im in a good relationship.

  2. If you was to ask my partner the same questions it would be bad. i really have to change my behavior

  3. Good quiz!I think my boyfriend not a controller, and we have good relationship too.

  4. I enjoyed doing this relationship quiz, it helped me realize I’m in a somewhat good relationship, and have a good BF…but i also noticed the few things him and I should work on.

  5. i like this quiz!

  6. a nice little quiz

  7. i relized im in a good relationship but crazy dude lol

  8. I wish I’d known about this site a few years ago. I’m thrilled that it’s on the internet for people to have something to relate to when they find themselves in such a surreal and frightening situation.

  9. This is a great site, but there should be more in here for people who are or were in ANY kind of controlling and/or abusive relationship (such as with a friend, a parent, etc.) not just a sexual and/or romantic relationship. (A lot of the same things apply to other kinds of abusive relationships, though.)

  10. hmmm…11 total frowny faces – some red. Been married for 7 years with a 6 year old beautiful daughter. Been together for 12 years and I am 31. If only it was this easy…I’m at the end of my rope. This just confirms it.

  11. Hi Brooke, thanks for your comment.

    It seems like doing the quiz gave you some clarity around what’s been happening in your relationship.

    From the quiz results you mentioned, and specifically being ‘at the end of your rope’ it sounds like the relationship could be abusive, and you’re feeling dejected and exhausted.

    Have you thought about talking to someone directly about what’s happening?

    You can get anonymous and confidential phone counselling through these services. Talking to a trained person can help people feel less isolated or alone when trying to survive in an abusive relationship.

    You could also find support or just talk things through with someone you know.

    Take care, Mardi

  12. 5 frowns…9 double frowns. I guess i’s time to stop thinking I can fix this on my own. 5 years, 4 kids…nothing’s changed yet. Why did I think it was going to?

  13. 4 double frowns 13 frowns total. I knew it was bad but i did not realize how bad it was until recently. I had to stick it out for a while we were in the process of adopting his grand daughter. Yes my name is on the paperwork. I was not going to leave my grand daughter with him. I am beginning to realize that she deserves a better life. If i stay the cycle will continue. I need to break it. there is no hope for his daughter she is a drug addict and is married to a abusive drug dealer. Her 2nd child just got taken away by CPS it is starting to look like he is going to want to take that one too. Then I really will be trapped if i stay. I am going to have to leave but HOW? My life savings is tied up in his property and all I have is about $20 bucks to my name. But we can give all kinds of money to his drug addict daughter. HELP

  14. 5 frowns, 9 double frowns. gave my relationship with friends and family. my grades are at an all time low. my physical health suffering. im mentally and emotionally berserk. im exhausted. yet i keep giving him one more chance. i feel like a ghost of who i once was living in his fantasy glass house, always telling myself it will get better. I told myself it’ll get better yesterday, today, and tomorrow. always tomorrow…

  15. I like the quiz. it is very good and helped me alot

  16. I feel like I’ve been crying too much, and my counselor said check on certain websites for the definition of emotional abuse. I’m there and at first I wasn’t sure, but now this confirms it. I have to let go, I don’t know how I’m going to do it because it feels like he has such a strong hold on me, but I have to do it. Everyone, please prey for me. I learned that love shouldn’t hurt, and this love that I have with him, is painful. For anyone going through this as well, just know you’re not alone, and we all will get through this together.

  17. I took the quiz….. Wow with 11 frowns and 4 red frowns I guess the tears in my eyes say it all I feel so stuck with 2 children who too feel scared of him. I know what I have to do but he promises to get help and financially I cannot do it as I could not afford to pay my daughters school fees which are 8000 a year and it would devastate her…. I guess I need to start preparing

  18. Just done the quiz. Confirmed what I guess I already knew. I need to end this relationship. Just need to figure out how. At least the flat is rented in my name and he will have to leave – checked this out after doing the quiz.

  19. 12 sads and 7 super sads. I based it off of my relationship with my ex. I wish I would have found this sooner. I’m still healing from my experience. He still has a hold on me, but hopefully I will be able to move on one day.

  20. gud quiz … makes me think about the things i can fix !!!

  21. i like this quiz alot

  22. our relationship is great!!!

  23. it was a good Quiz And I hope me And my Ex gets back with me soon. or I might just move on.

  24. i got 11 doubles three frowns and a smiley, i wish i could find a quiz with mercy for him but it would b lying… hes failed all the ones ive found and its not as easy as just leaving wen it hurts the same to leave… am i wrong? but im tired of having to heer all my ex frends saying i told u so , or them saying its not ur fault i understand im sry se u around one day, and u nvrtlk ever again and they wont even look at u theyve ave up on u nd u dont blame them. im to young to be broken

  25. Too many double frowns. I know I am in an abusive relationship and this quiz confirmed what I already knew. I am separated now. It hurts but I know I made the right decision because this is not LOVE as he says.

  26. Just thought I would say that this is a good lil quiz..in all honesty I am debating between a guy I have been hanging out with for a few months who treats me wonderfully.. Or my baby’s father who I’ve been with for almost 2 yrs who treats me good but there is a 20 yr age difference.. I love him but we don’t see eye to eye & one day I know the age difference will kill us.. They are both great guys but.. I just don’t know.. Anyway now that I’m done venting.. I wanted to tell everyone that I was in an unhealthy relationship 3 yrs ago.. I have a baby with this guy too.. And it did take time but I got over it.. We were
    together for 5 yrs.. And I wanted to tell everyone that there is someone out there for everyone.. They wil make u happy without a doubt in your mind.. You might even find a few of them [like in my case hahah!].. Even with 2 kids this new guy is head over heels for me & my kids!!.. Girls, there are GREAT guys out there waiting to be found by YOU!! It may take awhile but u only live once.. So live happy!!!! And remember the BEsT things are worth waiting for :) )))) goodluck to all

  27. I found this website 4 years ago just after I split with my ex wife, a similar questionnaire was on here back then that had tick boxes to tick for all the bad things & I ticked all of them except for two…

    It took me almost 15yrs to realise I was in an abusive relationship & just stuck it out “for the sake of the kids” as they say & also due to my ex bringing me down so much that she had me convinced I was unworthy & nobody else would have me…

    I did the current quiz & had two smiley faces, the question about pressured into sex & the question about self harm.

    Now my life has really turned around for the better, I have been married now for 2 years to the most gorgeous loving woman ever! I did the quiz against her & came up will all smileys :)

    There is hope, never give up… (edited by a moderator)

  28. i though the quiz was a good questionaire for myself and other people to answer these questions.

  29. i failed,

  30. 6 frowns & 9 double frowns…not one smile.That’s probably pretty bad & ironically how I feel (no smiles) daily.Every single day my husband finds some way to degrade,insult,hurt & humiliate me.Then as quick as he’s made sure I’m hurting (he waits until I’m hyperventilating & crying) he apologizes.I have no friends anymore,members of my family that I was close to before I met him, I no longer speak to.He has either made having a relationship with them next to impossible or has personally done something to drive them away.I feel terrible that our three year old has to see this, but I have nowhere,literally nowhere, to go.

  31. 5 frowns 9 double frowns, and I have been married for just 3 months now.. We have our goo days but its mostly been this way all along.. My religion will not let me leave him and I don’t know what I would do without him. I love him but he doesn’t love me.

  32. OMG SHIT IS FO REAL IDK I THINK I GOTTA LIKE U KNOW LIKE GO GET A BETTER BOI FO MAH NEEDS

  33. 9 frowns but only 3 of which are double frowns, thought it would be more, is that bad or wonder if I’m overreacting. Just wondering if it’s a bit normal to walk on eggshells in a 6 yr marriage. ugh!!!!

  34. I’ve been with my current partner 2 years and especially since the start of this year I was sure I was in a abusive relationship, I had suspected it before but was always forgiving.

    His big mistake hitting me the first time (caused by knocking over a laptop which he could have prevented) has kept at least one foot of mine still firmly planted and I’ve reached the end of my tether, constantly demanding my attention, we don’t live together so this makes him more possesive of me and constantly pine for me.

    I’ve read everything I could find on controlling relationships and done a couple of quizes this one came up 2 smileys, 5 sad faces and 8 very sad faces. I have come to the conclusion there isn’t much chance I can completely transform him or that he will stop humiliating me by constantly telling me how much a tart I look when I wear make-up or that my family are ‘in-bred’ because he thinks they’re stupid

    It saddens me as his family are great but I can bearly speak to them and I fear the worst if i actually manage to leave him, I’m scared, I don’t want to live with him because he might destroy my belongings or force me to take them to a charity shop (I’m very fond of my nick-nacks!) and also I keep begging him if I do go ahead and live with him he’ll let me have friends, but I think this won’t change. Whenever I saw a friend who sat to talk to me I was elbowed in the side just because he doesn’t approve or just because he had to be ignored for a minute.

    I thought he was the one because he seemed to understand me after the dumb things i had done out of loneliness and feeling out of place in the world, but he’s become my own worst enemy, I want to break the mental, emotional chains I feel imprisoned by and get control of my torn up life and live without fear, I’m so scared he’ll never let me go if i try.

    I know I’ve got to speak up, and I pray that soon, soon I will break free.

  35. Love is not what most teens think it is. i have been abused in a relationship before but igo tout before it gotten worse. this quiz works for me and ladies you should try it to dont let men try and get the best of us and get into our head so they can have the upper hand. fight back maybe and not neccssary literaly but show him that you are not his puppet

  36. great quiz helped change things in my life

  37. well i got 3 smiles 5 frowns and 7 double frowns. i could tell he was controlling but i kept thinking it will change 8 month daughter and currently pregnant 1.5 months i think it must be a male thing. they think there the best.

  38. i only got 2 smiles, the rest were double frowns. but i knew already it was wrong relationship to get into, these things show not soon after, jealousy and controlling sticks out like a sore thumb.

  39. I get 10 frowns (two of them double), and I’m trying to be easy on him because he’s been really nice lately and he does a lot for me. He really is not a bad person and he treats me well. the only thing is he doesn’t like me to hang out with my friends that often. I hang out with them once in a while but he gets very jealous of any guys around me unless they’re his friends. I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I want to leave him but I think he’s trying to be better. And he used to pressure me for sex but he’s been a lot better now & we hardly have sex anymore which is a relief to me. How sad.

  40. A lottttt of frowny faces. I can’t have male friends and he doesn’t like my female ones because he worries that they talk bad about him. He disappeared for a few days without any explanation and when I was mad about it he threatened to kill himself if I left.

  41. I got 26 frowns…not surprised. Wish I took this quiz so I could’ve dumped him sooner! On the path to getting my life back now :)

  42. 9 smiles and 6 frowns! Average relationship I’m in? Thank you for this quiz!

  43. i got 5 frowns guess i nd to get rid of him soon to get my life back 10 years of pap