How to break up
Nobody likes breaking up – whether you’re the dumper or the person who is being dumped.
But there’s no point staying in a relationship if one of you isn’t happy.
If you’re the dumper
- Do it face to face. Never send a text or a letter. It’s disrespectful and it could be made public.
- If you absolutely can’t face them, call. But make sure they’re alone and they can talk.
- Explain why you are breaking up with them.
- Talk about how you feel, rather than blaming the other person. Say
I want to be single for a while.
You turned out to be pretty boring.
- Make it a clean break, not matter how upset your boyfriend or girlfriend is. If you’re sure you’ve made the right decision, don’t get back together. This just draws it out.
- Don’t gossip, spread rumours or talk about private moments you had with your ex.
- If you cheated on them, think about how not to get into that situation again. (Note to self: break up first, then get together with somebody else)
- Don’t expect the two of you to be best friends straight away.
If you get dumped
- Don’t argue, don’t beg, and don’t disagree with their decision.
- Feel free to say:
Of course I accept your decision that it’s over, but I don’t agree with what you say.
- Don’t see your ex at all for a few weeks if that’s possible. If they’re at your school, Tafe, uni or work, just avoid them as much as you can.
- After that see if you want to be friends. Not being friends is ok too. It doesn’t mean you have to be enemies.
- Don’t assume there was something wrong with you. You just weren’t right for each other.
- It’s ok to cry, get mad, and feel humiliated – these are all normal feelings. But do it in private with your friends and family instead of your ex or online.
- Give yourself a few weeks to get over it. Take it one day at a time, and don’t feel bad if you have an overly emotional day. Talk it out with your friends and accept that it takes time to recover from a broken heart, but you absolutely will.
- Prepare yourself for seeing your ex with somebody else.
- Even if your ex behaved badly, don’t gossip too much about it, or badmouth them or tell their secrets.
- If your ex says nasty things or spreads rumours, be dignified and don’t get into public or private fights. Tell a few close friends the truth and send them out to counterbalance the gossip.
- Don’t rush into a new relationship so that you can feel that ‘somebody’ wants you.
This information was taken from the book ‘Girl Stuff: Your Full On Guide to the Teen Years’ by Kaz Cooke, published by Penguin Australia, and used by permission.
Photo from Flickr by elycefeliz