How to break up

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Nobody likes breaking up – whether you’re the dumper or the person who is being dumped.

But there’s no point staying in a relationship if one of you isn’t happy.

If you’re the dumper

  • Do it face to face. Never send a text or a letter. It’s disrespectful and it could be made public.
  • If you absolutely can’t face them, call. But make sure they’re alone and they can talk.
  • Explain why you are breaking up with them.
  • Talk about how you feel, rather than blaming the other person. Say

I want to be single for a while.

not

You turned out to be pretty boring.

  • Make it a clean break, not matter how upset your boyfriend or girlfriend is. If you’re sure you’ve made the right decision, don’t get back together. This just draws it out.
  • Don’t gossip, spread rumours or talk about private moments you had with your ex.
  • If you cheated on them, think about how not to get into that situation again. (Note to self: break up first, then get together with somebody else)
  • Don’t expect the two of you to be best friends straight away.

If you get dumped

  • Don’t argue, don’t beg, and don’t disagree with their decision.
  • Feel free to say:

Of course I accept your decision that it’s over, but I don’t agree with what you say.

  • Don’t see your ex at all for a few weeks if that’s possible. If they’re at your school, Tafe, uni or work, just avoid them as much as you can.
  • After that see if you want to be friends. Not being friends is ok too. It doesn’t mean you have to be enemies.
  • Don’t assume there was something wrong with you. You just weren’t right for each other.
  • It’s ok to cry, get mad, and feel humiliated – these are all normal feelings. But do it in private with your friends and family instead of your ex or online.
  • Give yourself a few weeks to get over it. Take it one day at a time, and don’t feel bad if you have an overly emotional day.┬áTalk it out with your friends and accept that it takes time to recover from a broken heart, but you absolutely will.
  • Prepare yourself for seeing your ex with somebody else.
  • Even if your ex behaved badly, don’t gossip too much about it, or badmouth them or tell their secrets.
  • If your ex says nasty things or spreads rumours, be dignified and don’t get into public or private fights. Tell a few close friends the truth and send them out to counterbalance the gossip.
  • Don’t rush into a new relationship so that you can feel that ‘somebody’ wants you.

Related links

This information was taken from the book ‘Girl Stuff: Your Full On Guide to the Teen Years’ by Kaz Cooke, published by Penguin Australia, and used by permission.

Photo from Flickr by elycefeliz

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One Response to “How to break up”

  1. I want to break up with my boyfriend for what he did to me. But how? and what should i say?