Find the ‘i’ in relationship
A good relationship starts with you. How do you have a relationship without losing yourself ?
Relationships come and go but you’re always going to have you.
So make sure you look after yourself
- Be kind to yourself.
- Remember your needs are just as important as anyone else’s.
- Learn to do things on your own.
- Get advice from people you trust.
- Don’t feel you have to help everyone, all the time.
- Keep in touch with your friends and family. Telling them what’s going on in your relationship (but not necessarily everything).
- Don’t let anyone stop you doing what you love.
Everyone has different ideas about what a good relationship should look like.
What’s important to you? What do you think about
- spending time together
- affection, partying
- how you fight?
Try the diary exercise Who am I? to write down your answers.
No one is a mind reader.
We all grow up in different families with different ways of relating to each other.
Saying stuff that’s important to you lets your BF/GF know that you expect respect, and that your needs count.
It also lets them know that it’s okay for them to say what they need.
Tips on how to speak up
If you can, tell them clearly about what is happening that makes you uncomfortable. Let them know how you would like things to be.
Talk about how the situation makes you feel:
I don’t like it when you do that.
I like spending time with you but I also need to see my own friends as well
I feel hurt that you don’t want to spend time with my family.
It’s not okay for you to read my texts/emails/Facebook, it’s private.
When you do _____, it feels like you don’t trust me.
If your boyfriend or girlfriend makes you feel afraid to speak up, see QUIZ: Is it love or control?
Photo from Flickr, taken by 30247076@N03