I first started going out with him when I was 15 but we were on and off for a few years. He was so good with his words and knew how to manipulate me. I didn’t realise he was the biggest drug dealer in town. He was really unreliable and pressured me into having sex with him.
I really didn’t want to but eventually gave in. From then on he would always talk me into having sex with him and said that was the only way to show him that I loved him.
One time I said no for two weekends in a row, so he drove really fast and dangerously (as he’d do when angry), to this place in the bush and yelled at me until I was bawling my eyes out.
He was trying to make me feel bad so I’d have sex with him. He was a sex addict. He’d get really jealous of my male friend whom I was starting to fall in love with and tried to run him down.
When I hung out with my friend he got so angry and threatened to kill him if we got together. I was too scared to leave and when I tried, he’d say he loved me and it was my fault we were having problems.
How I coped
I gave in to his pleas for sex and let myself be controlled by him.
I hated it and tried to be a stronger person in other aspects – I wouldn’t cry in front of anyone because that was a sign of weakness.
After a while when I became aware of how he was manipulating me, I told my best friend who tried to get me to break up but I didn’t tell my family. When he saw me wanting to get out, he proposed to me even though I was only just 18.
How the situation changed
I sent him a letter with the engagement ring in it saying that I wasn’t ready to settle down at 18 and I believed we weren’t suited. It was easier to send a letter because I was too weak and vulnerable in front of him to break up.
When I tried to break up with him in person he would convince me otherwise. It was scary though. He came after my male friend who soon after became my boyfriend and tried to kill him with his car.
He would also send me abusive messages saying he was going to commit suicide because of me and I was never going to be happy without him and that I was a slut – but eventually the messages stopped.
What helped me
My friend from work was really supportive and showed me that relationships weren’t supposed to be like that. My boyfriend was in a way raping me and didn’t care how I felt as long as he got sex.
My best friend was really supportive and eventually I told my family who helped me write the letter. By being told by my friend who became my new boyfriend that I was worth something and deserved to be happy, I became emotionally stronger.
Get out when you can. Don’t leave it too late and NEVER be pressured into having sex if you don’t want to. He should respect your decision if you are not ready as it will affect the rest of your life. You are worth more than that and should be treated with dignity and respect.
If he tries to control you and cut you off from your friends because he is jealous, or manipulates your decisions, or tells you sex is the only way to show you love him, HE IS WRONG, not you! You deserve to live happily.