Katie’s story

I first started going out with him when I was 15 but we were on and off for a few years. He was so good with his words and knew how to manipulate me. I didn’t realise he was the biggest drug dealer in town. He was really unreliable and pressured me into having sex with him.

I really didn’t want to but eventually gave in. From then on he would always talk me into having sex with him and said that was the only way to show him that I loved him.

One time I said no for two weekends in a row, so he drove really fast and dangerously (as he’d do when angry), to this place in the bush and yelled at me until I was bawling my eyes out.

He was trying to make me feel bad so I’d have sex with him. He was a sex addict. He’d get really jealous of my male friend whom I was starting to fall in love with and tried to run him down.

When I hung out with my friend he got so angry and threatened to kill him if we got together. I was too scared to leave and when I tried, he’d say he loved me and it was my fault we were having problems.

How I coped

I gave in to his pleas for sex and let myself be controlled by him.

I hated it and tried to be a stronger person in other aspects – I wouldn’t cry in front of anyone because that was a sign of weakness.

After a while when I became aware of how he was manipulating me, I told my best friend who tried to get me to break up but I didn’t tell my family. When he saw me wanting to get out, he proposed to me even though I was only just 18.

How the situation changed

I sent him a letter with the engagement ring in it saying that I wasn’t ready to settle down at 18 and I believed we weren’t suited. It was easier to send a letter because I was too weak and vulnerable in front of him to break up.

When I tried to break up with him in person he would convince me otherwise. It was scary though. He came after my male friend who soon after became my boyfriend and tried to kill him with his car.

He would also send me abusive messages saying he was going to commit suicide because of me and I was never going to be happy without him and that I was a slut – but eventually the messages stopped.

What helped me

My friend from work was really supportive and showed me that relationships weren’t supposed to be like that. My boyfriend was in a way raping me and didn’t care how I felt as long as he got sex.

My best friend was really supportive and eventually I told my family who helped me write the letter. By being told by my friend who became my new boyfriend that I was worth something and deserved to be happy, I became emotionally stronger.

My advice

Get out when you can. Don’t leave it too late and NEVER be pressured into having sex if you don’t want to. He should respect your decision if you are not ready as it will affect the rest of your life. You are worth more than that and should be treated with dignity and respect.

If he tries to control you and cut you off from your friends because he is jealous, or manipulates your decisions, or tells you sex is the only way to show you love him, HE IS WRONG, not you! You deserve to live happily.

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7 Responses to “Katie’s story”

  1. what the hell,thats so mean

  2. Woman should have a right in who tay want to have a sexual relationship with.

    It’s very brave of you to tell your storey to use and I hope that never happens to anyone ever again. Woman have right and marriage at the age of 18 is not right and you need to travel and be able to have more lovers in your life you did the right thing Katie and you are a strong girl and I wish you all the best when you do get married.

  3. Hey, that is a really touching story, i feel sorry for you, it is a really bad position to be in. That guy is a real sad person, he needs to respect your choices, I hope this new person is a really good person. Wish you well in future relationships. Wish you well. Next time in this situation get families to help you, and talk to a person you trust.

  4. If that would happen to me, I think I would back out once he started calling me nasty names. If he started hurting me, I would straight away tell my dad, or my friends, or the coppers! I think its important that you know your standards, and that you stick to them, no matter what!

  5. i believe a woman should be cared for and loved unconditionally. no man should ever put a woman down or treat them like they are nothing. a man that outs his hands on a woman is no man at all. they are just little boys playing pretend. men thats lay their hands on a woman is just insecure and scared your gonna leave them so they put you down to make himself feel good. its sad. if i ever caught a guy hitting a woman i would strangle the life out of him. women are like flowers. we are delicate and soft. we arent built like a man. we dont have the tough surface like a guy does. we are pure and each and every one of us are beautiful and very smart in our own ways. i believe no woman should ever be hit or abused in any kind of way. keep your head up and stay strong. dont ever let a man bring you down. stand up for yourself and show who is in control.

  6. My boyfriend is hitting me…..my friends say im just doing it for attention…but its for real……how do i get rid of him?

  7. Hi Amy, and thanks for your message. It sounds like you’re experiencing something very scary and dangerous, and without the support of your friends, I imagine you’re feeling quite alone. There are a few things that I can suggest to you that may be of use. The first is to contact a domestic violence service to talk further about what’s going on. You may be able to find your local service here. Another thing you can do is make an application for an Intervention Order (IO) through the Magistrates Court. An IO can protect you against future violence once you have ended the relationship, and it can also communicate to your friends that this is very serious and you need help and support to get through this. Please also have a look at our safety plan and have a think about developing one that suits you. You have the right to be safe and it is not ok for someone to hit you or use tactics of control against you. Best of luck, stay safe.