Love: the good, the bad and the ugly

“Because I had never talked about it, and I thought that I would be fine but everything just unleashed…It really helped to talk about it … and to realise that I wasn’t going crazy.”

If your relationship gets scary sometimes, a Safety Plan has questions and answers on how to stay safe.

The way others treat and your own ‘inner voice’ can make you feel bad. Building your self-esteem can help you cope with and recover from abuse.

“I felt like I was walking on eggshells around him because literally anything I said or did could upset him.”

“He’d constantly complain and spread rumours as well as insult and ridicule me behind my back and I’d only find out from our friends. I only got out of the relationship after some advice from a teacher at my school.”

“I gave in to his pleas for sex and let myself be controlled by him.”

“I had never been in a serious relationship and I thought what he was doing was normal.”

“He would take my car places and get back the next day, so I couldn’t get to Uni. When he came home, all the cleaning and cooking HAD to be done.”

“Eventually he picked me up and shoved me against the car screaming, and his exact words were “LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO”.”

“He started out treating me really nicely. Then the warning signs crept in. He accused me of wanting to be with other guys, and got angry with me for this and any other reason he could find.”

“He was jealous and possessive of me and I let it go on too long. I didn’t think it was abuse… until now.”

“When I tried to leave him, he told me that he had a gun and was going to commit suicide.”

“The abuse started when I was only one month pregnant. I spent my whole pregnancy fearing for the life of my child, fearing my own life, and yet I still couldn’t find it within me to GET OUT.”

I had been seeing this guy for just over three months. We both drank a lot. One night, he got really mad at me and he called me a lot of names, and then pushed me against the wall. I got really scared but he said he was sorry and he’d never do it again. [...]

“My parents are Italian and are quite religious, they don’t believe in sex before marriage. I didn’t really want to do it, it was my first time and I was really stressed out about it. He’d say ‘I don’t think you really love me, because you don’t want to have sex with me.’”

Someone tells you, ‘If you leave, I’ll kill myself’? Is this a sign of passionate love - or are they trying to control your choices?