Is it my fault?
Many people blame themselves if they’re treated badly. You must have done something to deserve it – right? Wrong.
Abuse is never your fault. It’s not ok for someone to hurt you, be mean or nasty, or get aggressive or violent.
- you slept with someone else
- you made them jealous
- you were late or forgetful or thoughtless
- you don’t want to have sex or to be affectionate
- you’re depressed
- you still stay with them even though they hurt you
- you flirted with someone else
- you don’t agree with them
- you’re sick or have a disability and need them to help you
- you want to break up with them.
They don’t have to treat you badly.
We all feel stressed, upset, angry or hurt at times in our lives. But we can all calm ourselves down, talk to others or take a break. We have a choice how we act, and we don’t have to take out our feelings on other people.
What if I cheated?
I had a one night stand with another guy last year. When my boyfriend found out, he slapped me. He still calls me a ‘slut’ and pushes me into sex to prove I love him – and I give in because I feel guilty. Sometimes I wonder if I deserve to be treated like this?
Yes, they might have felt hurt and angry, or worried about trusting you again.
But regardless of these feelings, it’s no excuse for the way they are treating you. Slapping you, calling you names and pushing you into sex is not ok – it’s abuse.