Maybe it’s not that bad?
It’s hard to accept that someone isn’t treating you right. You might think, “It’s not that bad,” ‘cos sometimes they’re nice and fun to be around.
They might have only hurt or scared you once or twice, but that can be enough to make you feel nervous around them.
If you find yourself going along with whatever they want so you don’t upset them, then that’s a sign that things are not okay.
Over time, you can start to lose sight of what you want. The bad news is, it usually gets worse as time goes on.
So what can you do?
Understand what’s happening
- Ask yourself: Does something about this relationship not feel right? Am I going along with what they want to avoid upsetting them? Are there warning signs of abuse? Take our quiz.
- Listen to and trust your feelings. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.
- Take the situation seriously. It’s not ok for someone to treat you badly – even if they have only done it once or twice.
Don’t be hard on yourself
- Abuse can happen to anyone. Abuse is common, and probably other people you know have also experienced it.
- Don’t blame yourself – it someone has treated you badly, it’s not because there’s something wrong with you. It’s not your fault.
- Your feelings are important.
- You have the right to be yourself, and to have your own feelings, opinions and friends.
How I can change things?
Should you stay in the relationship or break up? It’s a tough one.
You might still be in love and hope your boyfriend, girlfriend or partner will change. Or you might want to leave but you’re scared to.
- Read should I leave? to get ideas
- Fill out Weighing it up.
- Read advice and stories from other people. You can get ideas about what other people did to change their situation. They’re real people’s experiences.
No matter whether you decide to stay in the relationship or leave, there are things you can do to make yourself safer.
Talk to someone
Don’t go through this alone – talking to someone can help you to work out what to do. Don’t feel ashamed – abuse isn’t your fault. Get help. Tell a friend, a family member, or contact an expert with experience in dealing with this.