Am I stupid for staying?

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You know you’re not being treated right, but you don’t want to leave. Is that stupid or weak?

A line drawing of a colourful fish

My friends think I am stupid for staying with him.

They think I deserve everything I get because I put up with his temper tantrums, put-downs and aggression. But I still love him – am I stupid for staying with him?

Loving someone who has treated you badly doesn’t make you stupid or crazy. There’s nothing wrong with you for still loving them, even if you don’t like the way you’ve been treated. You don’t have to justify your feelings to anyone – except yourself.

An abuser is usually not mean, nasty, violent or controlling all of the time – at times they may be genuinely caring, and fun to be around. So you might love those parts of them, and the way they can make you feel.

What’s important is that you focus on yourself, your own feelings and how to stay safe. What’s best for you? What are your reasons for staying? Think about the good and the bad things, and weigh them up.

Don’t feel ashamed or think that they way they’ve acted is your fault. You’re not the one who has been abusive – they are. No one deserves abuse.

Don’t ignore any danger signs that this person could hurt you. Whether you decide to stay or leave, make yourself as safe as possible.

Talking to a counsellor can help. A counsellor won’t judge you or think you are stupid. They are there to understand how you feel, and to work out what you can do to make life better for you.

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2 Responses to “Am I stupid for staying?”

  1. Last time we work at the same place. .. we two always play together and when we play that time we play until very crazy and funny … slowly we become best friend and slowly I start fall in love with him. …. one day I suddenly say I love him and I tell every thing what I want to say and he answer is “we are just a best friend ” when I hear this word I really sad form that day start I need to control myself …. everyday I saw him I very happy …. I really cannot forget him sometimes I go out with him then he got call his friend go out some more is girl … I suddenly will not happy he take photo with his friend I also don’t like. …. please help me …. we know each other about 2 years already. …. and I already short.. the story cause if I say all the story I scare to long. .. hope you will understand my story

  2. I feel you i have dated this one guy for like 5-7 times thinking that it would get better but then it gets a little more bad because my younger sister hates his guts and he hates he. so some of the times we broke up was because my sis ended it by making him really mad or he just broke up with me for no reason.. i felt so stupid for dating him.. i was so happy that i am not dating him anymore.. And i was allot happier without him.. and i started liking other people and then we became friends..(not my ex the dude i started liking.)