Am I blinded by love?
Love is blind, so the saying goes. Are you so hooked on the idea of love that you’re ignoring the reality?
It just takes one call where he’s sweet and loving and I forget all the horrible things he’s done. It’s like I’m addicted to him, I want to leave but I find it very hard to because I want him to love me.
When you know someone can be loving, it can be hard to stop wanting to be with them – even if they have hurt you. It’s an exciting feeling, being in love. It can be almost addictive.
So it’s understandable to want to push the bad stuff aside and forget about it.
But if someone really respects you, they should treat you well all the time, not just sometimes. So don’t ignore the bad stuff.
Think about the good and the bad
In weighing up whether this is a good relationship for you, it’s important to not ignore the bad feelings and the ways that they’ve hurt you. Make sure your decision about staying in the relationship is based on reality, not a dream or false hope.
Consider the risks of staying in this relationship, versus the risks of leaving.
Being hurt or abused can really bring your confidence down. Think about how this relationship has affected you and your self-esteem. Are you are always on guard? Has this relationship made you feel bad about yourself and lose your confidence?
If you answer yes to these questions, then maybe this relationship isn’t good for you.
What I’ve I found, is that we tend to want to glorify things and look at the good side – we try to block all the bad things. It’s easier not to think about the hardship, the pain, being hurt... there’s nothing wrong to have a dream of how your partner is going to be but when you are writing the fairytale story and something goes wrong, you have to stop and come back to the reality. If a relationship is good, you shouldn’t lose yourself, you should still be yourself.
Are you in danger?
Could they hurt you or put you in danger? Are you frightened of them? If there are signs that they could harm you, then for your own sake and your own safety you may have to put your emotions aside.
Think about what’s best for you
- Get involved in other things, like work, study, sports or other things you enjoy.
- Stay in touch with your friends and family – don’t get isolated.
- Give yourself time on your own so you can have time to weigh up whether this relationship is worth staying in.
Let go of shame. If you’ve thought long and hard about it but still decide you want to stay in the relationship, don’t feel ashamed. It’s your decision, for your own reasons.
Whether you decide to stay or leave, do a Safety Plan.
Love is very blind and sometimes you’re so blinded that you don’t even realise you’re being abused.
Photo from Flickr by Anita Martinz