Too much too soon?

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He buys me flowers and presents, and says he wants to be with me forever. We’ve only been together for a month. It’s amazing that he’s so into me – but something about it makes me feel nervous. Why?

Flower girl and boy

When someone showers you with attention, it can feel exciting. But it can also be overwhelming. This can be a warning sign that they want to be in control of what you do and who you see – regardless of what you want.

People who are abusive often want too much too soon -  they sweep you off your feet, making it hard to see what’s really going on.

Early alarm bells

Do they…

  • want to be with you all the time
  • talk about being with you forever (but you haven’t known each other long)
  • act in an really jealous and possessive way
  • push for sex very early in the relationship
  • use guilt-trips, threats or force to make you have sex with them
  • always want to know where you are and what you are doing
  • constantly call you or send you messages, texts or emails?

Do you…

  • feel overwhelmed
  • go along with things that you’re not entirely comfortable with
  • have a little voice inside your head telling you it’s too much too soon?

Listen to your feelings

Resist getting swept up in the passion and excitement of romance – stop for a moment and think seriously about where this is heading.

This person might be expecting you to be what they want you to be – regardless of what you want.

Or they might think you owe them something in return for their gifts and passionate declarations of love.

If you can, tell them you want to take things more slowly and to have time to get to know each other. Give yourself some time and space to seriously think about this relationship.

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Photo above from Flickr by avlxyz / CC BY-SA 2.0

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3 Responses to “Too much too soon?”

  1. What you don’t know is that most abusive guys push girls for commitment when they shower you with gifts.

  2. they are taking the relationship more seriously then you are

  3. this sounds very familiar, we have been jst dating for a month, he is already talking of want to have kids with me, to a point sometimes he want to get it without a condom, that i wn’t do, and i made it clear to him. he asked me if i can tell him my deepest secret, i dnt know why he want to know? he want me to commit, by swearing that i will never leave him, he calls 5 to 7 times a days and sms alot of times, just to know where am i, and what am i doing, i think he is controling my life, he would call and ask if i didn’t miss him, when i ask him about these sort of weird behaviour, he tells me he is too excited for our relationship and could not beleive that he has me, and constantly has to check on me because he is afraid to lose me…i thiik is too much too soon.