First time sex
Trying anything for the first time can be a funny mix of nerves, uncertainty and excitement. Sex is no different. You can’t predict what it’ll be like, but you can up the chances it’ll be good by thinking about who, when and how you want it to happen.
If you’re reading this, you’ve decided you’re ready to have sex.
Firstly, what do we mean by ‘sex’?
It’s confusing, isn’t it?
While we think that ‘sex’ includes oral sex, vaginal sex and anal sex, here we’re going along with what most people believe – that ‘losing your virginity’ and ‘first time sex’ is the first time you have penetrative sex i.e. vaginal sex.
How will it feel? Will it hurt?
The first time I had sex was kind of weird and awkward. I didn’t feel really turned on – I just wanted to do it to see what it was like. We had been together for a few months.
Took a while with him trying to get the condom on, and then I had to help him to find the right place to put it in! It hurt at first so I told him to slow down. Then it started to feel good but he came quickly and that was it.
I can’t say I totally enjoyed it – but I thought, at least now I’ve done it, so I know what everyone’s talking about.
Don’t expect the first time to be the most amazing experience of your life.
Almost everybody says the first time wasn’t the best time (by far) or that it was what they expected.
You can’t predict what it’ll be like, but thinking about who, when and how you want it to happen can help make it what you want it to be.
Write down your ideas at Dear Diary: my ideal first time.
For girls, it’s usually a bit uncomfortable or painful and the chances of coming (having an orgasm) through penetration are low.
Most women need their clitoris rubbed or stimulated to come anyway, first time sex or not - penetration isn’t usually enough. Guys, you’ll probably come really quickly.
Who’s the right person?
It’s important you choose somebody you:
- can tell how you feel – before, during and after having sex.
- get along really well with, so you can laugh about anything that happens during the sex.
- feel comfortable telling what they can do to make you feel good.
Take the Quiz: should I sleep with them? to help you decide.
Legally you’re not considered old enough to say yes to sex until you’re 16, even if you feel ready.
It’s completely wrong and illegal for anyone in a position of power to have a romantic or sexual relationship with you: teachers, coaches, relatives or friends’ fathers. Talk to a trusted adult in this situation.
What if you’re gay?
Though everyone has their own ideas about what counts as sex, a lot of people including us agree that vaginal, anal and oral sex, are all sex.
Gay people lose their virginity the same as straight people: by having sex.
Two lesbians or bisexual women can ‘lose their virginity’ sleeping together, just like a guy and girl can.
(We think the term “losing your virginity” needs a makeover to include all kinds of sex. Since that hasn’t happened yet, the stuff we talk about below is about girls and guys having vaginal, penetrative sex for the first time.)
What’s the right age for sex?
There isn’t one right age – instead there’s just a huge range of who does what, when.
A 2008 Australian survey found that just over half of Year 12 secondary school students had had sex.
The most important thing is to know as much as you can before making your own decision.
The legal age to have sex in Australia is different state by state.
- Getting the hard word?
- Quiz: am I ready for sex?
- Dear Diary: my ideal first time
- What’s sex like and other FAQs
- Top 10 films about losing your virginity