Fiona’s story

I had just come out of a big break up with someone else and met this guy. He was older than me. I was flattered and he was charismatic and fun. Straight away he started telling me how I should act and deal with stuff.

He did not respect my pace. He would fly off the handle at me for almost nothing. If I called him on it he would later make fun of me for saying he was a “psycho” until I apologised.

After just a few weeks I accidentally fell pregnant to him. I was not ready for this but he talked me round with logic and charm.

He would say really mean things and then vehemently deny them making me question myself. I became incredibly depressed and confused. He would order me around and tell me what to do, how to do it, put me down if I got it wrong, put my friends down, belittle my hobbies. Nothing I could do was good enough and every minute was spent trying to please him. He could never say sorry. He would just storm off. I felt so voiceless and alone.

How I coped

I spoke a lot to friends but even some of them had been sucked in by his charm and conviction. He would want to see any communications I had had with them, and said if I said bad things about him, of course they would give me a certain response. He even read my email. I was a shell and freaking out about the pregnancy. I was normally really talkative but now I was scared to do or say anything.

How the situation changed

Somehow I found the strength to have a termination. It was the hardest decision I have ever made. He exploded at me and wouldn’t stop. I meekly called him an arsehole. I was exhausted and felt desperate and traumatised. Then he made fun of me for calling him an arsehole and was laughing at me. He sent me to stay somewhere else for a month, but then after a day he wanted me to come back to him. After that I never went back to the relationship.

What helped me

My family and friends. My ex boyfriend was completely amazing!! He reminded me that I am a functional, decent human being that is worthy of love, even though we had broken up. I also started seeing a psychologist.

I really needed a lot of help to rebuild my self esteem. I was scared to walk down the street and unable to interact normally with people. I was scared, silent and very very anxious. When someone spoke in an aggressive tone I would jump and do what they were saying without thinking, but over time this got better.

My advice to others

Be strong. Have dignity and self respect. Stand up for yourself. Do not be treated in a way that you would not treat other people, and be unbending about that. If a man cannot say sorry, or admit what he’s doing is unacceptable, make it very clear to him you disagree and DON’T GIVE IN, even if that means you have to leave. It’s a power play.

If he continues to act that way you have to distance yourself. Take yourself out of the situation. The psychological effects of this kind of behaviour can be absolutely devastating.

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One Response to “Fiona’s story”

  1. Wow as i was reading this i felt like this was my story…had i typed this and not remembered??? LOL Some things i did not experience but for the most part your story hit me spot on. After 4 months I JUST broke up with my abusive boyfriend and trying now to create that distance to move on. He calls and texts and I feel sooo guilty for “breaking his heart” as he put it but my friends help remind me of how many times MY heart was broken over and over again due to taking him back, having hope he would do right by me knowing I loved him to just do the same things over and over. Thank you for sharing this, i know i did the right thing.