Casual sex, hookups & FWB

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When you have sex and there’s nothing romantic going on, it can feel different. What about a one-night stand with someone you already know, just met or met online? Or with a friend?

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Casual sex, one-night stands, or hookups: these all mean having sex with someone when you’re not going out with them.

There’s also FWB or ‘friends with benefits’ – having sex with someone you’re friends with, but you’re not actually dating them.

Should I have a one night stand?

I met this guy last week at a party and he seemed to like me – we’re getting together again this weekend. I’m not that into him, but I’ve been single for a while, and a one-night stand might be fun. Should I have a one-night stand with him?

Casual sex can feel different to sex with a boyfriend or girlfriend. It can feel adventurous, exciting and new. But all relationships can be risky – emotionally and physically – even when you try to keep things casual.

Why do I want a one night stand?

Is it because I want them to like me or it seems like everyone else is doing it? Am I doing it because I feel bad about myself for being single? Or is this something I really want to do for myself?

How well do I know and trust them?

Do I know them well enough to trust that they’ll respect me, listen to me, and care about what I want? Try the quiz: should I sleep with them?

Can I talk openly with them?

Can I talk with them about safe sex, and about what I do/don’t like?

Are we clear about what we want?

Do I have feelings for this person that could make this situation more confusing? Do they have feelings for me? Can we talk to each other about what we want and our feelings? Can we talk about how we feel afterwards?

It’s a good idea to talk about what you expect first. If one of you wants something more, and the other is thinking it will just be a one-night hookup, someone might get hurt.

Can we be honest afterwards?

Sex can be pretty intense and intimate – it’s more than just physical, it’s an emotional experience as well. What if you having sex makes you really like them and want something more? Or what if they want to have an ongoing relationship and you don’t? Can you be honest with each other?

Should I have sex with my friend?

I have a best friend who’s asked me if I want to be her ‘special friend’. Fooling around together sounds fun…but will it wreck our friendship?

Having a friend that you sleep with can be fun if you both can talk openly, and you both want the same thing – to have fun together.

If you’re thinking about sleeping with a friend, ask yourself:

Am I ready for a change in our friendship, or for losing the friendship altogether?

Can we talk about it if having sex is changes our friendship?

Should I have sex with someone I’ve just met online?

I’ve been chatting to this guy online and I’ve totally fallen for him. I’ve never been so honest with anyone in my life. We’ve been flirting over the phone and now he’s suggested we meet in person.

I keep imagining us having sex when we meet – is that a crazy idea?

Having sex with someone you’ve only met online can be risky. People can be different online to how they are in person.

When you’re chatting with someone online or texting them, it’s easy to feel like you’re really close, really quickly.  But what you should know is that this kind of intimacy doesn’t always stand up to the light of day. You can’t completely trust it – so take it slowly and be careful. Many people online are genuine, but some aren’t.

Lots of lovers = more STI testing

The more people you have sex with, the higher risk you have a getting an STI.

So, get tested regularly – like every 6 months.

If you get tested for an STI and you have one – you must tell the people you’ve had sex with, even if you haven’t seen them in ages.

An STI like clamydia can be in your body for years without any symptoms, and it can make men and w0men infertile if it’s not treated.

That phone call or message telling your ex-lover or GF/BF to get tested might be embarrassing or weird, but they’ll thank you in the long run.

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Photo from Flickr by jpellgen

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